drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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