if you like me you must not know who I am
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize