Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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