Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize