I think my vagina is haunted
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize