i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
