she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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