She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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