she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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