I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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