You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
