He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
