Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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