Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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