He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
