Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
