She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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