Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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