some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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