I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
