xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
