through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
