btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize