Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
