apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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