Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
