Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
