I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
