Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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