Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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