her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
