frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
