I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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