I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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