Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bring money and cleavage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
