HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
