Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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