Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
