i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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