pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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