I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
