I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
