The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
