Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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