i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
