You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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