i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
