Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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