youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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