She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
