Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
