yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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