Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
