Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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