There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize