Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize