R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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