Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
