She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
