Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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