Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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