Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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