mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize