so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
