Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
