'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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