I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
