Ambien. No doubt about it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
