high people should be assigned attendants
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
