Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
