The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
