i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're too hungover to prance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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