I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
