I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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