he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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