I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
