I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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