R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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